The house was by the beach. (As always, I don't remember the geographycal name of this beach, haha)
"My" reason for visiting this friend was to deliver a message I had kept since our first meeting 2 month ago. When I first saw him, I wanted to say " please visit my family in Nagano, you might find it interesting. The house has farms and instruments and a marshal art". I spent my childhood in Nagano, and many of you know, my family lives there.
Anyway, I wanted to say this all of a sudden in a conversation with him, but my shyness stopped me from saying it, thinking I don't want him to think I'm weird.
My logical thinking was that it must be weird to invite someone who I just met to a house that I don't even live in. But, I already said this to a few other people on other occations, and I know that it is OK to say.
What is wrong with me.
People can generally forget this type of regrets, "should've said that" or "should've done that" kinda of things....I could not forget this time. It came back once in my dream, and often it came back to my consciousness as big "WHY??"s.
"why did I want to say something like that" and "Why wasn't I able to say it?"
A second chance came a month later. I saw him again.
He came to me and started talking. I smiled and nodded, replied politely, but nothing came out of my mouth that I really wanted to say.
Failur to stay who I really am in front of him TWICE was a big mystery to me, and still is.
So, I was determined, didn't want to be a failur, I decided to tell him what I could not say at our first meeting. "Please visit my home town and my family"
I visited him in Victoria.