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訪れてくださった方へ：こんなわたしと付き合っていただけて光栄です。どうもありがとう☆

Victoria BC : Part 4

This totally is like an short story...
If you've read all the way from part 1, thank you.
If you've read it but didn't quite understand it, well, GOMEN.

Here I go again!


we were having dinner together, Mary and us, the conversation ended on a topic and we were all silent at one point.
So I opened my mouth at last.

"I came here with a mission, of my own, to say something that I couldn't when I first met him. Sort of like a message. I think I want to tell you the message, Mary"
"If you ever go to Japan, you are welcome to stay at my parents house in Nagano"
Mary asked " Does your parents have a farm?' yes. "Are they organic?" yes. super organic. I added "If you are interested in Marshall art stuff, my dad will be happy to take you to Aikido Class"
Her eyes were in tears, and she said " my dream came true"
She is part japanese Nikkei, loves organic life, very shanti, very beautiful person. I just met her and didn't know anything about her except that she will be visiting my parents in the near future.


～・～・～・～・～・～・～・～・～・～・～・～・～・～・～・～・～・～・
The whole trip was about overcoming my self-esteem problem, to be able to say honestly without worring about how I look.
But I realized something more important than that: such a small positive challenge like this have a positive influence on others. I am glad that I did, at last.

... Close

Victoria BC : Part 3

This is becoming like an essay or short novel...
here I go.

Well, I was so chickened up that I didn't want to make my first move, so I sat down on the sofa and waited for something to happen. Thankfully UJ made his first move. He greeted a girl who came down to the living room from the stairs, we exchanged the names and handshakes, and she went into the kitchen.
Another girl came out from the kitchen and greeted us, we told who we were, what we were doing in the house, and explained our concerns that he was not here at the moment.
She kindly said there is nothing to worry about and she would show us a place to sleep for tonight, then she invited us for a dinner.
I could finally stand up from the cozy couch and went inside to the kitchen. There were a few other people there cooking. I introduced myself and offered a hand, and everything was just fine. The worries I had, 'might I say something wrong' or 'we are unwelcome' or 'might I be laughed at' were mere concerns and unrealistic in the house. I felt I was safe in the house.

One after another people stepped into the kitchen and in the course of half an hour, we met 4 Mikes and other non-Mikes.

The girl who invieted us for dinner, her name is Mary, asked me where I was from. I told her that I grew up in Nagano and live in Vancouver now.
As soon as I said Nagano, she went " Nagano! I remember having a dream a while ago, and waking up yelling Nagano! but I have no particular interest in that place. " She said this very pleasantly.
It clicked me.
While we were in the kitchen I kept thinking "should I tell her that I came here to tell the message?" That'd be too wicked.
I was struggling again, to speak out, say things I WANT to say. Because it's just too weird to say that....but I had already decided that I was gonna tell this message. and it was the mission of this trip.
The dinner was ready, we all started eating. We all talked about stuff while we were eating but my mind was out there trying, struggling, thinking.....'damn me, just say it, who cares what she will think of me'.

... Close

Victoria BC : Part 2

He told us(me and my partner UJ) that friends are welcome at all times at the house, and the house was shared by dozen or so people.

I called the house from the ferry but he was not home, and noone knew when he was coming back. Oh well. I'd told him by mail that we were coming and he had confirmed, so everything should be fine.

UJ and I got to the house in dark. The house was old and huge.
We looked for a door bell. 'No, there is no door bell. hmmm...'
We pushed the door. 'Yes, it is open.'
OK, now what.
We stood at the living room looking around. There are instruments everywhere, all kinds of drums, guitar, violin, electric organ (my mother used to have one just like this), and so many others that I've seen before but don't know the names of...
There is no one in the living room. hmmm...

We heard chattings from the back of the living room. We must go talk to someone and figure out what to do next. I was not confortable beeing in an unfamiliar environment nor talking and greeting to strangers. But must I do what I must!

I am such a chicken s$%t sometimes. Things like this is so big a challenge to me.
It takes so much energy to overcome my hesitation, but when I do (which is still rare but,) I feel "what the heck was I warried about".
Some people can go talk to straingers without giving it any second thoughts. I envy.
Some of my friends are so good at talking/grabbing attention, talking to new people is no hasstle to them whatsoever. It wows me.
Well, it just so happens that I don't have that kind of character, and that I need to work on this constantly.

... Close

Victoria BC : Part 1

Vancouver -> Victoria -> SaltSpringIsland -> Victoria in 5 days

Initial reason for this trip was to see a friend in Victoria. It ended up meeting more than one friend and making friends with beautiful people!

The house was by the beach. (As always, I don't remember the geographycal name of this beach, haha)
"My" reason for visiting this friend was to deliver a message I had kept since our first meeting 2 month ago. When I first saw him, I wanted to say " please visit my family in Nagano, you might find it interesting. The house has farms and instruments and a marshal art". I spent my childhood in Nagano, and many of you know, my family lives there.
Anyway, I wanted to say this all of a sudden in a conversation with him, but my shyness stopped me from saying it, thinking I don't want him to think I'm weird.
My logical thinking was that it must be weird to invite someone who I just met to a house that I don't even live in. But, I already said this to a few other people on other occations, and I know that it is OK to say.

What is wrong with me.

People can generally forget this type of regrets, "should've said that" or "should've done that" kinda of things....I could not forget this time. It came back once in my dream, and often it came back to my consciousness as big "WHY??"s.
"why did I want to say something like that" and "Why wasn't I able to say it?"

A second chance came a month later. I saw him again.
He came to me and started talking. I smiled and nodded, replied politely, but nothing came out of my mouth that I really wanted to say.

Failur to stay who I really am in front of him TWICE was a big mystery to me, and still is.

So, I was determined, didn't want to be a failur, I decided to tell him what I could not say at our first meeting. "Please visit my home town and my family"
I visited him in Victoria.

... Close